Numbers

The same thought has been plaguing my mind all day, why do we let numbers rule how we perceive ourselves?  I got on the scale this morning and it was not pretty, but for a woman it NEVER is! We're never satisfied! After getting off I felt so worthless, so discouraged, and down right hideous.  But why? Why does a number control how we view ourselves or our worth?  Worth is not quantitative.

I walked to school still feeling self conscious and beaten down wondering why I felt like all my positive qualities melt away as the numbers on the scale go up or down or stay the same.  Is this a reflection of our society or personal insecurities?  Those who follow my blog know of my sob story past in which I was an overweight teenager in a petite loving society (if not you can read that post here).  And I've written posts similar to this before, but today the fact that a number on a scale could have me or ANYONE doubting their self worth is really eating at me.

Why do we look down on people because of their number?  Why do we judge our worth based on a number? Why do we focus on that number and not someone's gorgeous eyes, hair, face...? Even more importantly why do we disregard people because of their number? Is the number greater than a perfect personality, more than humor, wit, commitment, love, kindness? No.

So here it is.  The next time you think about your weight, negatively. Stop.  I'm going to too.  Which won't be easy, because if you are like me, you are worried about your weight 23 out of 24 hours a day.  But stop and look at your feet that you stand on. How well they support you, your legs get you where you want to go.  Don't think about size or shape, but function.  Look at your body it keeps you alive, it helps you live your amazing, beautiful (sometimes rocky) life.  Look at your face.  If you are like me there are many things about your face you want to change.  Stop. Look at your eyes admire the color, admire that they are allowing you to see this beautiful world.  Your smile and your face allows for expression of the joys and the sorrows.  With all of these things, all these beautifully positive things that our bodies do, that our bodies are, why do we focus on their number?

I am more than my number, YOU are more than your number.  Remember that!  This may seem a little flower child/inner goddess, but the truth is its hard to love your body in a society full of body obsession.  Is it important to be healthy? yes.  Is it vital to be that "magical perfect number"? NO, because it doesn't matter if you aren't kind, sweet, smart, loving, generous, courageous, or honest.  Next time you have a number that brings you down...think of the number of beautiful things that make you who you are, because its not your number.

One of my favorite authors, one of pretty much every one's favorite authors, J.K. Rowling said this:

"I’ve got two daughters who will have to make their way in this skinny-obsessed world, and it worries me, because I don’t want them to be empty-headed, self-obsessed, emaciated clones; I’d rather they were independent, interesting, idealistic, kind, opinionated, original, funny – a thousand things, before ‘thin’. And frankly, I’d rather they didn’t give a gust of stinking chihuahua flatulence whether the woman standing next to them has fleshier knees than they do. Let my girls be Hermiones, rather than Pansy Parkinsons.”

I have many motivational quotes on my bathroom mirror, but this one always sticks with me the longest.  Often I catch myself thinking, when I get skinny I will... or If I were skinny I would..., Why do I feel like I need to by skinny?  The truth is we need to love ourselves...for being  more than a number.  

I know it's hard to be anyone in this body obsessed world.  We all feel the pressures every day. But life is beautiful and the things that matter don't show up on your scale every morning.  So cut yourself some slack, like I am going to try to do for myself, and....

Be more than your number, be more than societies unattainable expectation of you, be a Hermione, be you. 
  

Catch Up: Adventures 1, 2, 3

Catch-up vs. Ketchup....? Which one is better? Catching up can be stressful, but it may mean you have had a really good time and are just getting back into the swing of things or you know there is that delightful red paste that cures cancer and the blues KETCHUP! (who named it that?) Okay so this is all really off topic, but when you blog hungry these things do happen! This could possibly be the last of my major "catch-up" blogs it will take us through the majesty that was our first married summer... 

This summer never actually started for us, I was in school and Phill worked all but maybe two weekends soo summer fun was few and far in between.  I was in three classes this summer: Foreign Policy, History of the 20th Century and Senior Seminar (snooze fest i know)  This summer my main focus and the force that pinned me to the couch and laptop for twelve hours a day was my Senior Thesis.  When I would tell people I was writing my thesis, they would ask, "how long does it have to be?" I would reply, "between 25-30 pages"  then immediately the response was almost ALWAYS, "oh, that's not bad." haha....ha...ha...ha? To me this seemed like a HUGE undertaking for my little undergraduate, dyslexic, ADHD self! I dedicated hours upon hours to research, I read about 1,000 pages a week and tried to sculpt an accurate picture of my topic which was the Modernization of the Medical Field During the American Civil War it was such a fascinating topic...I won't bore you with the details of my summer of knowledge and gangrene, but the moral of the story is with enough Mountain Dew and sleep deprivation you can accomplish just about anything! I did receive and A on my thesis and passed the other two classes (my adviser didn't think i would...in his face.) Yippie! 

So the main point of this post is to talk about the three main adventures Phill and I got to have during this summer! The first grand adventure took place on our 4 year anniversary...what? you goobs have only been married for 4 months...RIGHT! So Phill and I, while we were dating, always celebrated our yearly anniversary on June 15th because that's when we pretty much became "exclusive."  This year was the first year we had spent it together since 2009! Year 1 I was in Tonga, and Year 2&3 Phill was off on some religious adventure... (wink, wink)  Phill and I had originally thought before he left on his mission that we would get married on this day June 15, 2013...but later on in his mission and when he got home we felt it would be best to move up our wedding day and so April it was! We still celebrated our anniversary and almost wedding day by doing sealings in the Salt Lake Temple! It was so beautiful! We finished there and went to P.F. Changs for dinner! (delicious!) 

Adventure number 2 was really random.  Phill text me on Friday afternoon and suggested we take off to Bear Lake and camp for the night!  I was game, so we took off and got to Bear Lake at about eight thirty.  We ate at Cafe Sabor (mmmm) and then in the dark we tried to scope out a camp site.  That was kind of a joke, but we finally found one on the east side of the lake and by then it was pitch black! We set up our tent (for the first time)  by the light of my jeep's headlights! That was an adventure.  Then we stayed up watching the stars and talking.  It was so nice to get away from all the stress of school! The next day we went to the lake, but got rained out.  

Later that day we headed back down to Logan where we had planned to go to the demolition derby with Phill's siblings! We got rained out there too, but it was a blast as usual! Something about feeling like a true American and a Redneck at the same time does a body good. 

Our final adventure we have been waiting for since February! I gave Phil a trip to Yellowstone for Valentine's Day, and the weekend after finals finally arrived and we took off to the hills! It was a blast to show Phill one of my all time favorite places.  We drove all over the park and saw pretty much everything.  There a ton of forest fires going on in the park and around it so a lot of the animals were hiding...bummer.  We did take a few back roads I never had before, and we took a boat tour on Yellowstone Lake which was pretty awesome! 

Gibbon Falls 

Fishing Bridge 

Hayden Valley 

Yellowstone Grand Canyon 

I'm freaking out in this picture, because the only thing between us and a 1,000 plus feet drop is that boulder we are sitting on...shutter. 

hello buffalo! 

red sun from all the smoke! 

The Grand Tetons! 

And that amigos was our summer! I am back in school, 7 classes and in the education program! And Phill is working extra hard long hours like a boss.  It's gonna be a long one folks, but I am grateful for those two weeks of summer!