Here to Stay

It's a little shocking to me how often I drop the ball, here I am blabbing about how Phill is coming home and la-de-da, but then I never actually write about him being home! Fail. haha.
Phill has been home for over a week now, and life is good, crazy, but good. He came home last Thursday on the soggy 6th.  The night before I couldn't focus on anything, I was sick to my stomach, and the best way I could come up with describing the feeling was it was like I was about to talk in front of 10,000 people and also so crazed person just punched me in the diaphragm.  No lie.
The day of I was surprisingly calm, but I felt weird, I knew it was ending, but I couldn't wrap my head around it.
I went to class, that was a giant waste of time, got ready...ran to wal*mart to get a 5 hour energy for Phill's brother Louis, attempted to eat lunch at the Grist Mill, and then met Louis and Becca at Phill's Church to drive down to the airport with them. 
Everyone kept asking me if I was okay, and never believing me when I said that I was.  To be honest, I wasn't freaking out, I was just ready for it to happen so it could all feel real! He came down the escalator after we'd been there for about 45 minutes.  I was hiding behind his siblings, 1. because I was nervous 2. I wasn't sure if I was ready yet and 3. I wanted his siblings to hug him first, because I think they have more claim on him than me. 
I always pictured what the airport would be like, that first hug.  Turns out it was nothing like I imagined.  Phill's oldest brother Josh asked me if I wanted him to bring Phill over to me, I jokingly laughed "yeah!" (but didn't actually mean it. haha) But before i know it Josh is picking up Phill and bringing him to me. haha. I didn't know what to do so I just yelled "HEEEEY" like an idiot and hugged him, I didn't cry, I think I might have if I hadn't been caught so off guard, haha. No one really got a good picture, because no one really knew we were behind everyone hugging, but luckily we got a couple:

After that he went around and hugged everyone else, and finally made his way back to me.  It was still unreal, and it remained that way for the rest of the night.
Phill wanted to go to Nelson's Custard in Bountiful, because he loves their cookie dough concrete.  Who doesn't it's delicious.  I tried to act as natural as possible, but it was so hard when every one's eyes were on us, staring us down....expecting something that I just couldn't figure out. haha.
We drove from there to the Pizzeria in Ogden for dinner, where Phill and I were avoiding each other, but not really realizing it.  I was freaking out inside wondering if this was how it was going to be now. Weird, and forced, and awkward as I'll get out!
We went to his house and waited for him to arrive after being released, again everyone asking me "how are you doing" I didn't know how to respond, I was freaking out, this was not at all how I thought it would go. 
Eventually everyone left, emotionally drained I decided I had better head out too...Phill followed me out to my car, we hugged, and just talked, nothing had really changed, but it was a lot to get used to again.  We walked over to his front porch and we talked like nothing had changed, like it had only been a day or two since we'd seen each other. Everything felt the same, and despite all the emotions and stress and weirdness of the day, I  knew I was still crazy about him. 

We've yet to really spend a quality amount of time together between his family, and me having finals, we've tried to get little snips of time together of the past week.  The last two years have taught me a lot, I became more independent, my faith was greatly strengthened, I continued in my education, became my own person, but something was always missing from my life.  When he came back everything felt right, everything feels whole, and my life is nearly complete.  Four words could sum up the past two years: It was worth it.  HE was worth it.