Time is Ticking

In a matter of weeks we will be parents to an actual external wiggling, crying, spitting, beautiful tiny human...I've never been so terrified or so calm in my life. Those two opposites of chaos and bliss will most likely define the rest of our lives. Welcome to parenthood.  Many look back at the day their first baby is born and note it as the day they became parents...I have always felt the moment that second pink line floats into view you're a parent...I've been a parent for almost 250 days, along the way I have written little notes here and there to calm my nerves and paranoia as I wait for this baby to come. I began writing it the week I found out I was pregnant, it has been random and cathartic, so here you are the ramblings of an overly hormonal woman:

11/3/14 ~ Today's the day I've always dreamed about.  Peeing on that weird shaped stick, flipping it over and seeing a big old PREGNANT staring back at me.  When I took the test I expected it to be negative. Everything I was feeling, all of my "symptoms",  seemed very time of monthly.  I couldn't resist checking though, it was about four days before my missed period, but I couldn't wait.  I did as the magic pregnancy test box instructed...trying to do it very quietly with Phill in the next room.  I paused, I waited, I prayed, I looked.....pregnant.

I've known how I wanted to tell Phill for a long time! I was so excited about the idea! I thought I would have so much time to prepare my epically adorable plan...not so much.
I came out of the bathroom shaking, I tried to act natural, the positive pregnancy test in my sweater pocket...I slyly took our Adventure Book that Phill had made me our first Christmas and hauled it up stairs. My game plan had always been that I would make a page in it announcing that we were pregnant, I thought that when I found out he wouldn't be home and I'd have plenty of time to get it together, but I couldn't wait. I hurried and took a picture of the test, printed it out and wrote shakily on the page.
He had come up the stairs, and I walked into our room holding the book, not having a good reason for having the book, I casually said we should look at it.  We reminisced about all of our grand adventures, I was so nervous. Finally we turned to the page, he stared at it...
and he stammered, "you're pregnant?" his face was priceless, his eyes filled with tears, I couldn't believe it still so I just stared at the page as well and pulled out the test from my pocket. Positive. Pregnant. Parents.

I was certain that I had gotten a false positive. I was excited, but this couldn't be real? We ran to the store and bought two more tests...positive. I was so afraid it wasn't real that I had Phill give me a Priesthood blessing.  In my blessing he mentioned how much Heavenly Father loved me, he said that he felt the presence of my Grandpa Charlie and Grandpa Low there with us as he told me through the spirit that I was pregnant.
This is real life.
The next morning I took one more just to be safe. I called the Doctor...I said it for the first time out loud, "I'm pregnant." Those words coming out of my mouth sounded so crazy that I forgot what I was supposed to ask the Doctor's office.  I laughed with the secretary that I was so dumbfounded by the idea that I didn't know what to do. The next day I would go to the doctor and take another test.
I took Phill with me, despite the 5 positive tests sitting on our bathroom counter I felt it might still be negative. They called me back, I did what I've become very talented at doing, and waited...they called me back again, on the table was a kit to draw my blood, that meant pregnant. This is real life. My blood was drawn and my next two appointments made. We're having a baby.

11/4/14
Hi Baby,
It's your mommy! I can't believe you are real and that you are growing inside of me! Your daddy and I love you so much already! Stay strong in there love. We want to see your beautiful face and feel your amazing light in our lives. Stay with us baby, we love you.
-Mom

11/10/14
It had been a week and about 8 pregnancy tests, and I still couldn't put my mind at ease about our Baby B. I needed expert help...to the Grandparents!
It's early, I felt it was too early to tell anyone about our little poppy seed, but I needed the reassurance parents are so gifted at giving. Phill insightfully persuaded me to tell them. We put a plan together in the matter of minutes. We would write them a message from baby in the back of our favorite book, Mustache Baby!
The note said: "Hi Grandma and Grandpa, I can't wait for you to read to me July 2015! Love, Baby B"
My mom looked at us sitting on the couch every part of me shaking, "We're having a baby" we responded to her surprised face. She replied with a joy filled "you did it!" 
The fears melted away for a brief moment, and then I told them about my fears and they told me about the joys. Baby B is blessed to have such amazingly wonderful grandparents.
They even gave us baby's first official gift, a book called Hello America! We read it together and laughed about all the times ahead. When we left mom held me tight, kissed her hand and patted my tummy...stay in there baby. Yes, please stay. You are so loved.

11/13/14
5 weeks along
10 days of knowing you
12 positive pregnancy tests
2 major cravings - Instant Potatoes & Ravioli
5 restless nights
10+ mood swings...daily
2 cases of pregnancy brain
1 apple seed sized babe
1 happy and nervous mom

11/22/14

Hi baby,
It's the week of Thanksgiving, and you are somewhere between a sweet pea and a blueberry.  You've made it so far already and I love you more each day.  I am thankful that you are a part of our family, and that you are here with me now.  You truly are my favorite miracle.  We love you.

12/4/14

There are days in your life that you may feel will never come.   December 4, 2014 was that day for me.  I had waited my whole life for this day, and in the month waiting for you to grow big enough to be seen I think I waited another lifetime.  I was so in love with the idea of you that I was afraid you wouldn't be there when the time came!
Daddy and I got to the hospital 30 minutes early, we were so anxious to see you! We waited, and waited, we watched all the people who came after us get called in before us.  One more lifetime of waiting and then it was finally our turn. We met your doctor, she is fun baby you'll like her. 
Finally, I laid back on the table, put my feet in the gloriously comfortable stirrups and in less than 10 seconds there you were.  My baby, our baby, on the screen.  I could see your little heart moving in the center of your gummy bear shape.  We were able to hear your heart it was beating so strong.  Good job baby.  Keep growing, we love you.

12/26/14

Guess what baby?! All of your Aunts, Uncles, and Grandparents know about you now, and they are so excited to meet you! You were the perfect Christmas present. Nana and Papa were so excited about you their eyes filled with tears of joy.
Tio Ben in Mexico was so surprised he beamed with excitement to hear about you!   Uncle Rick called us as soon as we sent him your picture, he's so excited for you to arrive! You received Christmas presents from Aunt Kait who loves you so much already, and Grandma and Grandpa Westbroek bought you your first puppy dog.  I can't wait for you to hold it and love it. 
More than ever I can't wait to hold and love you.  Stay with us baby. We love you.

2/3/15
17 weeks, we went to see you again, I was so nervous.  Daddy was excited to see you and find out if you'd be a boy or a girl.  We got to our appointment early, waited, and waited.  A knock on the door...the nurse said we'd have to come back later, because the doctor was delivering a baby. I had a mild heart attack, but was determined to come back and see you!
A few hours later, there we were again, waiting...and waiting. Finally our turn to go into the ultrasound room again. Jelly on the belly, a few swipes of the magic ultrasound wand and there you were, kicking around, our little boy.  wow.
You became so real to us in that moment. Parents of a baby boy. Love. fear. joy.

2/25/15

Baby Boy- confirmed!
Starting to feel you move
141 heart beats per minute
9 inches long
2 strong legs
2 wiggling arms
10 amazing fingers and toes
12 ounces
1 noticeable bump

3rd Trimester Adventures:
Birthing Class - daddy wore a belly and felt you REALLY move for the first time!
Mover and a Shaker - You move almost all the time baby! You love to push against my right side and stretch...silly baby.
Mommy turned 24 & finished her first year of teaching.
Grandma drooled on Mom's tummy while talking to you!
Started getting our house ready for you to arrive!
Mom's belly grew to the size of a house!
T-minus 5 weeks until your due date! We love you!

 

Bragging Rights

I feel like I need to brag.  Every girl who has found that guy should brag.  There are good men out there people and mine is one of them.  My heart is so full every day for the love of one man.  This is cheesy and personal, so if you do not like stuff like this stop reading now, you have been warned.  Phill is my anchor. Phill is my happiness. Phill is my life.  I would not be here today without him.  He gives me purpose and he gives me joy.  I remember one day when we were dating, early on in our relationship, and Phill asked me what I wanted most out of this life.  I replied simply to be happy to find happiness.  He stopped, paused for a second, and said, "no, I think you want to joy."  I thought this was an odd comment at first, aren't joy and happiness interchangeable?  As life moved on and so did we I began to feel a greater happiness, a greater love, and yes, a greater joy.

Phill fights for me every day.  When my anxiety takes me away mentally he is by my side holding me until I come back into my consciousness again asking if I am okay, and he kisses my forehead, squeezes me and says, 'yes baby, I have you, you are okay.'  I am blessed to have him by my side. He makes me feel safe. Safe from trouble, safe from trial, and even safe from myself.
  Phill and I have spent the greater part of our relationship apart, and even now we are married and it is no exception.  He lives in Logan during the week and I stay in Ogden for school.  It has been hard as we both go through the challenges of life on different schedules and feeling so alone at times. But Phill reminds me that all bad things end and there is good waiting for us, there is joy.
 I love my husband more than I could write in a million cheesy words. He has given me the greatest life, the most fulfilling and life changing love.  He has taught me patience and unconditional love.  I am blessed by his hard work and selflessness every day.

I love you.

Catch Up: Adventures 1, 2, 3

Catch-up vs. Ketchup....? Which one is better? Catching up can be stressful, but it may mean you have had a really good time and are just getting back into the swing of things or you know there is that delightful red paste that cures cancer and the blues KETCHUP! (who named it that?) Okay so this is all really off topic, but when you blog hungry these things do happen! This could possibly be the last of my major "catch-up" blogs it will take us through the majesty that was our first married summer... 

This summer never actually started for us, I was in school and Phill worked all but maybe two weekends soo summer fun was few and far in between.  I was in three classes this summer: Foreign Policy, History of the 20th Century and Senior Seminar (snooze fest i know)  This summer my main focus and the force that pinned me to the couch and laptop for twelve hours a day was my Senior Thesis.  When I would tell people I was writing my thesis, they would ask, "how long does it have to be?" I would reply, "between 25-30 pages"  then immediately the response was almost ALWAYS, "oh, that's not bad." haha....ha...ha...ha? To me this seemed like a HUGE undertaking for my little undergraduate, dyslexic, ADHD self! I dedicated hours upon hours to research, I read about 1,000 pages a week and tried to sculpt an accurate picture of my topic which was the Modernization of the Medical Field During the American Civil War it was such a fascinating topic...I won't bore you with the details of my summer of knowledge and gangrene, but the moral of the story is with enough Mountain Dew and sleep deprivation you can accomplish just about anything! I did receive and A on my thesis and passed the other two classes (my adviser didn't think i would...in his face.) Yippie! 

So the main point of this post is to talk about the three main adventures Phill and I got to have during this summer! The first grand adventure took place on our 4 year anniversary...what? you goobs have only been married for 4 months...RIGHT! So Phill and I, while we were dating, always celebrated our yearly anniversary on June 15th because that's when we pretty much became "exclusive."  This year was the first year we had spent it together since 2009! Year 1 I was in Tonga, and Year 2&3 Phill was off on some religious adventure... (wink, wink)  Phill and I had originally thought before he left on his mission that we would get married on this day June 15, 2013...but later on in his mission and when he got home we felt it would be best to move up our wedding day and so April it was! We still celebrated our anniversary and almost wedding day by doing sealings in the Salt Lake Temple! It was so beautiful! We finished there and went to P.F. Changs for dinner! (delicious!) 

Adventure number 2 was really random.  Phill text me on Friday afternoon and suggested we take off to Bear Lake and camp for the night!  I was game, so we took off and got to Bear Lake at about eight thirty.  We ate at Cafe Sabor (mmmm) and then in the dark we tried to scope out a camp site.  That was kind of a joke, but we finally found one on the east side of the lake and by then it was pitch black! We set up our tent (for the first time)  by the light of my jeep's headlights! That was an adventure.  Then we stayed up watching the stars and talking.  It was so nice to get away from all the stress of school! The next day we went to the lake, but got rained out.  

Later that day we headed back down to Logan where we had planned to go to the demolition derby with Phill's siblings! We got rained out there too, but it was a blast as usual! Something about feeling like a true American and a Redneck at the same time does a body good. 

Our final adventure we have been waiting for since February! I gave Phil a trip to Yellowstone for Valentine's Day, and the weekend after finals finally arrived and we took off to the hills! It was a blast to show Phill one of my all time favorite places.  We drove all over the park and saw pretty much everything.  There a ton of forest fires going on in the park and around it so a lot of the animals were hiding...bummer.  We did take a few back roads I never had before, and we took a boat tour on Yellowstone Lake which was pretty awesome! 

Gibbon Falls 

Fishing Bridge 

Hayden Valley 

Yellowstone Grand Canyon 

I'm freaking out in this picture, because the only thing between us and a 1,000 plus feet drop is that boulder we are sitting on...shutter. 

hello buffalo! 

red sun from all the smoke! 

The Grand Tetons! 

And that amigos was our summer! I am back in school, 7 classes and in the education program! And Phill is working extra hard long hours like a boss.  It's gonna be a long one folks, but I am grateful for those two weeks of summer!

Catch Up: Playing House

 One of the things I have really loved about being out on our own in the scary grown up world is making our little apartment more homey.  The first time we walked in it was a HUGE step up from the apartments we had been looking at, but it was completely white and I felt like I had just checked into the psych ward. So I've tried to jazz it up with some color.

 We have really enjoyed living here though, we have a pool, but rarely have time to use it.  Phill's family probably uses it more than we do.

My favorite things about our apartment, (probably Phill's least favorite part) is we are only 30 seconds from Target.  Love me some target!

It's been fun to practice the art of cooking, I'm not horrible at it, but I didn't cook a ton when I was at home.  I have enjoyed trying new recipes.  A few of our favorites have been:

Stuffed Red Peppers recipe here

Crock Pot Chicken Terriyaki: 1lb chicken (sliced, cubed or however), 1c chicken broth, 1/2c terriyaki or soy sauce, 1/3c brown sugar, 3 minced garlic cloves cook in crock pot for a few hours.  Then I just sauteed the vegetables in some Mr. Yoshida's, and served it over brown rice. 

Cranberry Chicken:
One can of whole cranberry sauce, small bottle of french dressing, and onion soup mix stir together and pour over chicken breasts.
cook uncovered at 350 for an hour 
served over brown rice 

Cheese Fondue:
Sharp shredded cheddar, brie (rind removed), 1 1/2 c. milk, 2T flour
stir together on low until evenly melted

Catch Up: Honeymoon Edition

Honeymoon....who decided to call it that? I did some research, but none of the results seemed conclusive. My favorite answers were: 

1. According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary,  to the origin of the word honeymoon, 'the idea that the first month of marriage is the sweetest.' 
2. Or one found in the Oxford English Dictionary that the word originated to describe love that wanes as the phases of the moon (uh-oh)
3. The term honeymoon originates from the tradition that the in-laws of the couple were required to supply a month's worth of honey wine

So which one is it? Pretty sure it is NOT number three, because we've been married for almost three months and no large shipment of honey wine has been made to apartment A20... 

Anyways the Moon is made of honey so we celebrated that by going to sunny California! We drove there the day after our wedding, my parents were awesome enough to supply us with their car and all sorts of road trip goodies! We got to California late that night, we stayed at the Knott's Berry Farm Resort Hotel.  

The next day, was the day we had been waiting for, Phill's first trip to Disneyland! I have been saving my pennies (literally) for the whole two years Phill was gone to pay for our Disneyland tickets.  And yes I successfully saved up enough coinage to buy both of our tickets! 

Disneyland is such a fun place and it's even more enjoyable when you take someone who as never been, it's like experiencing it for the first time yourself. 

 The next day we went to California Adventures! We visited Cars Land, which looked exactly like Radiator Springs.  We rode Phill's new favorite ride: Toy Story a couple times, rode my favorite ride, The Tower of Terror (Phill was not a fan). And after all that fun we wandered back over to Disneyland, then to Downtown Disney for dinner at my favorite place The Rain Forest Cafe, and then BACK to California Adventures to finish off the night! (got to love hopper passes!) 

My eyes are closed...what can ya do 

getting cozy at the Cozy Cone 

Phill made me go on the Snow White ride...not cool man, not cool. 

At the Lego Store! Prince Phillip made out of legos in the background! 

Paradise Pier

The next day we bounced back and forth between the two parks again and got in most of our favorite rides one more time. We also got to ride the new Car Racer ride in Cars Land (epic) That was probably my favorite part of the day. 

No one knows what is going on with this Mickey/Goofy/Mater/Use up all the extra materials we have hat.

After our Disney Adventure was over we headed for the beach the next day, but didn't swim, because I had gotten sick and was not feeling it. So we walked along the pier and I starred anxiously out into the ocean looking for whales...as a I always do, but have yet to actually see one.  One Day! It was a nice relaxing day after our three days of none stop! 

On our last day we drove down to San Diego and did a session in the temple.  It was a really cool experience.  I was hoping to go to Sea World, but by the time we got out of the temple it was too late. Darn! So we walked around the city a little before making the trip back up to Anaheim. 

Our dive home consisted of a few detours through Phill's mission, I got to meet a few people he had told me about in his letters that was fun. Then came the long drive home, that is always a kicker! 
We had a good time and it was great to get away!