Are You My Mother?

Midnight, I sat in Ian's nursery, rocking him in my arms and I began to read him a story, "Are You My Mother?" as many are aware of in this story, a sweet baby bird wakes up to find that his mother is gone, when he falls from the nest he is off to find his mommy.  From creature to creature this baby bird wanders, the kitten, the cow, the dog, the chicken, the Snort (tractor), all of them reply that the are not this baby's mother. 

Often as I've read this book I've thought, this is stupid...how did this bird not know who his mother was? Did the mother spend so little time in the nest that the baby didn't know her well enough? Then came my fear (as overly dramatic as it may sound), will Ian be this baby bird? Wondering if all those who care for him day after day are in fact his mother?  Will he know me? The mama bird had to leave the nest so often that her baby didn't know her!

I'm going back to work tomorrow, I'm leaving the nest. I think of all the changes that will be happening in Ian's life in the course of a school year - smiling, sitting, scooting, crawling, squawking, rolling, and so much more. I will miss so many of these "firsts".  The mama bird in the story left the nest out of necessity, she had to find food for her baby bird, she had to provide.  After she had provided for her baby she would return back to him, care for him, love him, and then again leave the nest to provide. I am the mama bird. 

A lot of guilt has accompanied the strain of returning to work...moms stay home I grew up thinking, when I grow up my job will be at home being a mom.  "Good" moms stay home. I feel this is what used to be our societal norm..."good" moms stay home. That's not an accurate picture at all, I've had to change my way of thinking.  "Good" moms make sure their baby's needs are met, good moms want what is best for their babies, good moms worry about their babies, and do everything in their power to provide a good life for their babies...I am leaving the nest, and like the mama bird in the story, I am leaving to provide for my sweet baby bird. I am leaving to give him a good life, to provide him with the necessities of life - food, shelter, clothing...and with those necessities, and the limited time we will have together I will give him so much love. 

He may not spend the most time with me...but I will work so hard for him, for Phill, for my family. The mother bird in the story was not neglectful or selfish, she was doing what she could to help her baby, and that is what I will do too. I wish I could stay, see all the firsts, but instead I will be there in spirit, and provide like the mama bird in the story...and in the end I will return home, scoop up my confused little bundle and convince him that I'm his mother, and I love him endlessly.